Tell me about a time you received tough feedback.

I'm a philosophy major and I did competitive debate for four years, which matters for this story. Last fall I was on a five-person team in our student consulting club, working on a project for a local bakery chain. Halfway through, our project lead, Hannah, asked to talk. She told me I argued to win, and that two people on the team had stopped offering ideas in meetings because of it. My first reaction was to defend myself, and I did for about a minute. Then I asked her for an example, and she had three from that week. I could see she was right. I did two things. I apologized to the people involved. And I set myself a rule for meetings. Before I disagree, I have to ask one question about the other person's idea and repeat it back. By the end of the project the whole team was contributing again. The feedback I got at the end was much better.

I'm a philosophy major and I did competitive debate for four years, which matters for this story. Last fall I was on a five-person team in our student consulting club, working on a project for a local bakery chain. Halfway through, our project lead, Hannah, asked to talk. She told me I argued to win, and that two people on the team had stopped offering ideas in meetings because of it. Her words were, "You're usually right, and it doesn't matter, because nobody wants to think out loud in front of you." My first reaction was to defend myself, and I did for about a minute. Then I asked her for an example, and she had three from that week. In one, a sophomore named Leo had suggested looking at delivery routes, and I'd listed four reasons it wouldn't work before he finished the sentence. I did two things. I apologized to Leo directly and asked him to walk me through the delivery idea, which ended up in our final recommendation. And I set myself a rule for meetings. Before I disagree, I have to ask one question about the other person's idea and repeat it back. I asked Hannah to tell me after each meeting whether I'd kept it. By the end of the project the whole team was contributing again. In our end-of-project reviews, both of the people who'd gone quiet rated me as easy to work with, and Hannah asked me to lead a team this spring. I still catch myself building the counterargument while someone's talking. The difference is that I now treat that as the signal to ask a question.